For some reason, I’ve always been the kind of girl that wouldn’t really expect anything. But then again, in my mind, I’d go “I wish someone said this to me.” or “I wish someone would look at me this way.” But then again, even if those things did cross my mind, I never really expected any of those to happen cause, personally, for me, I never really believed anything remotely close to what could still possibly happen with the modern gentleman we have today. Even if the man wasn’t a gentleman, let it be some skater guy you fall in love with, I just didn’t think anyone would ever mention anything close to what I usually see on thought catalogues or Tumblr posts or typographs. It would be nice to read and hear and hope for, but then not really enough to really want because reality exceeds what’s seen on the internet for once.
But then again this guy always seems to prove me wrong. In all my 19 years of living, I’ve never had someone tell me anything better than what I read online or what I see on movies, until last week. Sometimes I still have to persuade myself of the reality of the situation that just happened, but it was just too good. And like the kind of girl I am, anything that’s close to ‘too good’ scares me because I’ve always been one who’s had it ‘too bad’.
“I really love you, you know? You’re so beautiful, and every time you walk towards me smiling it’s like I still can’t believe I’m in a relationship with a girl like you. I only ever had the happiness of looking at you a couple of times before but now I’m more than blessed to see your face and hold you in my arms every single day. Whenever you walk towards me, it ALWAYS still feels like the first time. When your hair moves with the wind and I see your mouth starting to curl up to a smile when you see me, it kills me. You get me weak on my knees every single time and when you say my name, it’s like it’s not even real. And whenever I look at you and I see you smile or laughing I always think “God damn, I love this woman.”
How I memorize every single word, I don’t know. Maybe it’s cause I keep replaying it in my head every single night, still trying to figure out if it’s real or not. But I know it is, then again, I feel like it isn’t. And even though I’ve always lived in fear every day to have this “too good” of a man as my boyfriend, I cope by thinking that “Maybe I’ve had too much bad already that maybe now it’s time for something that’s too good.”